well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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