I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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