Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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