My room smells like vodka and shame
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm too high and old for this...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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