I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize