I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
