It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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