I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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