the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
