Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
