you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My bed smells like the plague
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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