you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh god it's open bar.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
