Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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