we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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