I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
