And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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