Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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