it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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