My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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