Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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