My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
