While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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