I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
