I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
