I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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