and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Vodka?
Forever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
