i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
