and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
