where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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