Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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