Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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