Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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