hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
