So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
