im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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