Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
