we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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