So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
