kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
