Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
