Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
