nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
