I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
