The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
