We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
