I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
