don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you had me at cake vodka
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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