I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
