you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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