I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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