Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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