Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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