My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
