I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
