the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
