Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
