i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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