I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
