Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
