Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
