You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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