Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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