so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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