Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
