Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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