Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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