Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
