They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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