The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
