cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
