how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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