Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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