john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
