I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
COCAINE IS GR8
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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