Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
