dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
