Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
