I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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