Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
