Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
