Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
