She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We have started to decorate penises.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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