I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
