My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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